1. Be honest about the marriage being over:
This is how you feel, and this is what it has now come to. It’s not an invitation to them to negotiate a reconciliation Watch out for gaslighting or emotional manipulation from narcissists!
2. No finger pointing:
In South African law it doesn’t matter who is to blame, so why fight about it? Riling up your spouse only makes it more difficult to peacefully settle the divorce. Don’t rise to their baiting of you either.
3. Talk about the kids and how you’re both still in this together:
The marriage is over, but the co-parenting continues. The kids need you working together to look after them. Discuss and get advice on how you can both best tell the kids about the divorce.
4. Show you want to peacefully settle the divorce:
It saves you time and money. Give it a try, even if you think it won’t work. Remember that they may be a bit emotionally overwhelmed at first, so pick your moments.
5. Make sure all your important documents are safe and backed up:
If peaceful settlement discussions aren’t possible, you’re going to need those documents for the divorce. Give these to friends and family for safekeeping, just in case.
Bonus if you are married to a narcissist or abusive spouse : Wait for after service
You know your spouse and the way they will react better than anyone. For them to acknowledge this is all real and for you to be safe from reprisal, it is usually best to wait for service of the Divorce Summons and/or Protection Order on them first.
Author : Murray Taylor