No one should feel responsible for a narcissist’s predicament, but if you want to tame the narcissist in your life you are going to have to do some serious work getting ready. 

Taming your narcissist partner is about changing the dynamic of your relationship and so this needs to start with you. You cannot tame a narcissist just because you want them to fill an emotional hole inside you. You need to fill that hole yourself. 

Research has determined that kindness and self respect are what people really find attractive in a partner, but self respect is not only about confidence. It is about making sure you have someplace in your life that you feel safe – and keeping that space clean and pleasant. It is about knowing when you need to take time out to take care of yourself and learning to be comfortable in your own skin.

It is important that one is able to move past the narcissist’s defenses using compassionate, and empathetic communication. One will also need to learn how narcissists view the world, how to navigate their coping styles, and why, it is often the case that being a narcissist is a lonely place.  By learning to anticipate and avoid certain hot-button issues, you’ll be able to relate to a narcissist without triggering aggression. 

By validating some common narcissistic concerns, you’ll also find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist. It is about learning how to set limits with a narcissist and when it’s time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior. The best steps for approaching someone with narcissism in your life, is by using a strategy called empathic confrontation. Meaning, empathy combined with confrontation. Empathy does not however mean sympathy. One does not need to feel sorry for a narcissist or allow them to get off the hook for their behaviour.  Developing a deep understanding of how they are put together, knowing their story as best as you can, understanding their need to have things precisely and done in a certain way, their need for perfection, their need for order and their need for clarity, will enable you to begin your confrontation with some form of empathy.

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Author -Jessica Gooding

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